Clean Slate

There are pros and cons to starting a new life. Some people enjoy the idea of starting over, of being a new person with new friends and a new job and a new home. Others hate change and are content in being with the people already in their current lives.
Me? I'm right down the middle. In the midst of moving across the country, I've experienced joy, fear, despair, homesickness, happiness, contentment, discontentment, etc. It's a long list but I'm young. I'm hormonal. So, it's okay that I have a long list. It's normal that I have a long list.
The idea of moving to Georgia from my home state of Utah was, at first, beautiful. It was exotic and intoxicating. I had this image in my head that suddenly, when arriving in this new place, I'd be incandescently happy and I'd fall in love with an adorable stranger and have knock out friends within the first week.
But I'm young. This also gives me the excuse to be completely and utterly ridiculous. Upon arriving, reality set in quickly, quicker than I might have liked. And I ended up stuck in an unfinished basement with a high strung mother and hyper and rapidly growing seven year old brother.
I think life has a sense of humor. I really do. But, there are wonderful things about being here. It isn't all bad.
For one, there are trees everywhere. It's a forest in every backyard and the parks are practically nature preserves. The scenery is like magic. With the scenery comes a serene and peaceful feeling in the pit of my stomach and sometimes when I get really overwhelmed, I just look outside and remind myself to breath. It's easier in Georgia--there's much more oxygen.
For a long time, I guess I've just been afraid. I've held myself back because of it. And I hate that. Coming here, to the deep south, it's given me a knew perspective and I've realized that if I can't be brave, then I'll end up with nothing. And that, that scares me the most. My mom sometimes, when she's really frustrated with me, tells me to grow up. Oh, how I hate that phrase. But sometimes it's just what a person needs to, in fact, grow up, and stop being so scared of what might happen. I am done with being fearful of the future and of what people think. I'm done being afraid that i'm never going to find love. I'm done with being afraid of the world and I'm done with being scared to be alone.
This is my time, right now, with a blank canvas in which I will paint bright colors.